DIFFICULT TO ACCEPT A LOVED ONE'S SUFFERING- by Lee Wei Ling

Aug 29, 2010 , STRAITS TIMES


Difficult to accept a loved one's suffering

Feeling compassion with a detachment is wise, but tough when it comes to Mama

By Lee Wei Ling

The writer, then 19, with her mother and father in Rajasthan, India. Those were happier times before her mother suffered a stroke in May 2008 and became bedbound. -- PHOTO: COURTESY OF LEE WEI LING

GRAMMAR- Tenses, Prepositions, Conjunctions , Adjectives and Adverbs.

Fill in the blanks with the correct form of the word given in brackets.

Fill in the blanks with the correct preposition or conjunction in the blanks.

I awoke with a start, a while ago, from a dream. I 1. ________(look) at my watch. It was 4am.

It was a dream worth remembering, so I 2. _______(decide) to write it down immediately. If I 3. ________(be+not+do) so, I 4. _______(be) not have been able to remember it later.

In my dream, I seemed to be simultaneously at home and outdoors at some unfamiliar place. Suddenly, a monster 5. ______(appear) and 6. _____(attack) me. I 7. ______(struggle) with the monster but it 7. ______(match) me strength 8. _______ strength. I did not utter a sound, nor was I frightened. Instead, I wrestled silently with it.

Suddenly my mother appeared. She walked 9. _______ us, but did not say anything either. Instead, she made a 10. _______(dismiss) gesture and the monster turned tail and ran away.

That 11. _______(be) be Mama's way of tackling problems, I thought: no need for unnecessary words 12. _______ actions; just do things 13. ______(quiet) and effectively.

At that point, I woke up. I got up from the floor where I 14. _______(sleep) and went into my mother's room to see how she 15. _______(do). She was sleeping peacefully. I 16. ______(be) now back in my room recording what I can still remember of my dream - for a 'dream' indeed it was, as it cannot be classified as a nightmare.

For two years and three months already, my mother 17. _______(be) too weak to get out of bed. But in that brief moment in my dream, I saw her again as she 18. ______(be) - physically normal.

I wished I 19. ________(can+be+dream) on, and after some time, together with Mama, vanquished the monster in the dream and then walked 20. ________ together.

In dreams, everything seems possible. That my mother appeared 21. ______(magic) in my dream did not surprise me - either while I was dreaming or when I 22. ______(awake). This is because between Mama and me, there was always some form of telepathy.

Once, when I was staying with my brother Hsien Loong, my toothbrush 23. ______(wear) out and needed to be replaced. I hardly ever shop, so I did what I had always done before: I told Mama I needed a new toothbrush.

Since we were in different houses and I did not want to wake her if she was sleeping by calling her on the telephone, I e-mailed her: 'Ma, I need a toothbrush.'

She e-mailed back: 'I am telepathic. I just got a toothbrush for you. But one day, the commissariat will not be around. If you don't know the word 'commissariat' go look it 24. ______ in the dictionary.'

She was correct: I did not know what the word meant. And since I did not know where the dictionary 25. _________(keep) in my brother's house, that evening at dinner, I asked him what the word meant.

He knew, of course. 'Commissariat', he explained, is a department in the army charged with providing provisions to soldiers.

Now Mama is no longer in a position to be my commissariat. Worse yet, she is bedbound and no longer able to read - a favourite activity of hers.

Mama had wide interests. She 26. _______(know) things that even many highly educated people would not know or be interested in, as would be obvious if one rummaged 27. ________ her bookshelves, as I did recently.

There were several books on the flora and fauna of Singapore. There was a hardcover book of children's nursery rhymes, which she 28. _______(use) to read to her grandchildren. Of all her grandchildren, my albino nephew 29. ______(enjoy) reading the nursery rhymes 30. ______ her the most.

VOCABULARY : Fill in the blanks using the given helping words

fashionable     collect     suffering     detachment      excerpts     collection      early       delivered      predicament    struggles    cultured     chronicling     stoically      caste     ancient     resilience   duties

There were several books on Buddhism and Hinduism. There was a King James version of the Bible printed in a large 1. _______ so that she could read it even without her reading glasses. There were many books on the Indian 2. _______ system, and a book describing the ancient city of Harappa in the Indus valley. The city dates back about 4,600 years ago, and was an important trade centre in the 3. _______ world.

Mama was interested in the Silk Route long before it became a 4. ________ subject of interest. She had a book 5. ________ the travels of a Victorian lady on the Silk Route.

There were six Malay kamus, or dictionaries. There was a book on Chinese customs and symbols. And of course, there were many books of poetry, including a 6. ________ of Rudyard Kipling's poems.

There were also books relating to the 7. _______ days of Singapore, including The Battle For Merger, a collection of radio talks my father 8. _______ in 1961, detailing the early history of the People's Action Party's 9. ________ with the communists. It is now out of print.

There were many books, too, written by others about my father, including Lee Kuan Yew In His Own Words, 10. _______ of his speeches from 1959 to 1970, edited by S.J. Rodringuez.

Mama also had the kinds of books one would expect to find on the bookshelves of someone so 11. ________: among other things, The Tale Of Genji, Ruth Benedict's The Chrysanthemum And The Sword, Etsu Inagaki Sugimoto's The Daughter Of A Samurai, the novels of Jane Austen, and a book I enjoyed tremendously as a child, Anne Of Green Gables.

Mama didn't just 12. _______ these books, she read them.

It is now 5.30am. I popped into her room again a while ago and she was still sleeping. I comforted myself that at least when she was sleeping, she was unaware of her unfortunate situation.

Now I am trying to go back to sleep myself, but I cannot do so - not because of the dream but because of Mama's unhappy 13. _______. It is acutely felt by her three children, my two sisters-in-law, and my cousin Kwa Kim Li, who is my mother's favourite niece. But the one who has been hurting the most, and is yet carrying on 14. _______, is my father.

It is easy when thinking in the abstract, to conclude that being born, growing old, falling sick and eventually dying is what happens to all of us. I accept these facts with no resentment that life is unkind. I have had more than my fair share of bad luck, but I never resented it, for I think suffering built up my 15. _________.

But I find it difficult to accept my mother's 16. _______. The Buddhist principle of feeling compassion but with detachment is wise, but it is not an attitude that I find humanly possible to adopt when it comes to Mama. I cannot see her suffering with 17. _________.

But there is nothing I can do to get her back to where she was before she suffered a massive stroke on May 12, 2008. She has been suffering since then, and so has my father. But that is life, and we all plod on, fulfilling our duties as best we can. Indeed by focusing my mind on my 18. _______, I manage to temporarily block Mama's suffering from my consciousness.

The writer is director of the National Neuroscience Institute.

ANSWERS

Grammar - 1. looked 2. decided 3. had not done 4. would 5. appeared 6. attacked
7. matched 8. for 9. towards 10. dismissive 11. would 12. or 13. quietly
14. was sleeping 15. was doing 16. am 17. has been 18. had been 19. could have dreamt 20. off 21. magically 22. awoke 23. was worn 24. up 25. was kept
26. knew 27. through 28. had used 29. enjoyed 30. with
Vocabulary – 1. font 2. caste 3. ancient 4. fashionable 5. chronicling 6. collection 7. early 8. delivered 9. struggles 10. excerpts 11. cultured 12. collect    13. predicament 14. stoically 15. resilience 16. suffering 17. detachment 18. duties